po ko (not yet)

Wednesday-Friday, April 28-30, 2010

As I continue with my routine activities, I find myself pondering my observations more and more frequently. With time, I have become more and more curious about life in Haiti and have not yet determined answers to so many of these questions. I desire to better understand what I see and what interactions mean to Haitians. What is appropriate? How do they interpret each other's actions? How do they interpret the actions of blans? Does my understanding of a word or action match their understanding of the very same thing?

For instance, I rarely take my camera on my walks along the beach. Occasionally I take it for a reason, but not often. On Wednesday, I took with me when Nicole, her children, and I walked with the Bibliotec children to see where they were keeping their plants we'd assisting them with in previous weeks. The Haitian children wanted very specific pictures taken with their plants, which translates culturally. But some children who don't attend Bibliotec joined the walk after some time. Many of them I knew from my frequent walks. They also wanted their picture taken ...but at least part of the reason is because they want me to print the photo and bring it to them later. I have known this reality for some time now, but don't hesitate to explain that I only have the ability to see the photo but not make one to hold. Some people will then continue on without having their picture taken.

Some of the older children also began a conversation with me about the differences between the past directors and Mike and Nicole. These children frequently say that Mike and Nicole are cheap/stingy because they don't give hand outs or treat the children on the beach the same as the previous directors did. I don't have enough Kreyol to better explain the motivations, which in the course of the conversation I realized was probably OK because I'm not sure the reasons would actually help the situation. The children miss Kathy and Rick, which is only natural. They want life to be different, which is only natural. Trying to explain different philosophies on missions and helping people doesn't always make sense to adults, much less to teenagers and children. Add the cultural differences to the mix and I'm convinced time is practically the only way to properly communicate these thoughts (through developed, ongoing relationships).

Questions about life in general are constantly crossing my mind. On Friday afternoon while we drove to visit friends of the Carlins, I got the chance to talk about life as I've seen in the states with Guito as he discussed life here in Haiti as he has known it. Guito works on the compound. He's in his mid- to late-twenties, 27 if I remember correctly. He has chosen to remain single so far and shared some of his reasons, such as recognizing the need for money before becoming responsible to feed a family. He talked about how many people don't have a job or home beforehand and aren't prepared as he would like to be. For certain populations in the states, that reality is also true.

What was also interesting in this conversation (which was come forth in similar ones) is that when I say I don't want a husband or children, I am often corrected to saying I don't YET want those things in my life. I think most Americans would understand that my not wanting indicates now with a question mark on when, but doesn't seem to translate here. I don't know if "po ko" means I don't want it now but want it for my future, or if it just assumes that everyone will one day want a family of their own because God says it is good (which is another response I often receive). Maybe saying "po ko" just leaves the decision in God's hands and recognizes that I haven't reached that point in life yet. I don't know. Po ko.