feeling torn

Thursday-Friday, April 8-9, 2010


I found out on Tuesday that my best friend was getting married Friday. Of course I wanted to be there even though it was just going to be a small courthouse ceremony. Through facebook statuses and instant messaging on Wednesday, I decided that going just didn't make sense. Christine and Chad are planning to have a larger ceremony after he returns from Afghanistan next year in which I should be able to participate. Plus, Christine essentially forbid me to come when she heard how expensive the ticket for the weekend was. (I knew she would and avoided telling her at first.) We ended our conversation with the comment that obviously I was meant to be here despite the fact that I was missing such an important day in her life.

Thursday morning, Nicole suggested I take the day to myself. Essentially I treated myself to some TLC (made a couple collages, watched a movie, shed some tears) for the majority of the day. Towards late afternoon, I decided to go for a walk to be present in my given situation since I had been reminded less than 24 hours previously that I was serving a purpose here. On the walk, I spent some time talking with the beach kids and just interacting ...good medicine at the time. That evening, I sent out my weekly email update and shared the homesickness I was feeling.

Friday morning, I awoke to words of encouragement from many of you reminding me of my purpose here in supporting the Carlins in the work of the project. After breakfast, I spent an hour or so in prayer for them as they talked through some details. In the midst of that prayer, God confirmed my purpose here. I am supporting the Carlins, in many different ways, and had I been at Christine's wedding that morning then I would not have been praying as intently during their communication. We opted not to have school that day, but I took the children swimming before lunch. While I was in the ocean with the kids, I felt that God was encouraging me to continue exploring my relationships with the beach children as well for me. My main purpose is to support the Carlins, but I also need to honor and acknowledge my own needs here ...so I will continue to build relationships and practice my Kreyol alongside of my other responsibilities.

Isn't God good? He always meets us where we're at. We just have to listen for His voice.